Forget It (Old)
by GloriaRose
Summary: After Connie is injured Steven blames himself, the Gems try to comfort him but they can't. He's found his own way of dealing with the pain. *Trigger Warning* Self-harm Inspired by Let's Forget about It by Charles The Cheesecake. I have permission to write.
1. Chapter 1

The early morning sun hurt Steven's eyes as he sat on his bed. He made a quick motion with his hand and closed the blinds. His room was now dim, the only light coming from the screen door. He sighed, as he reached over to his nightstand. He opened the drawer and pulled out a single razor.

The events played through his head over and over again, like a broken record. No matter what he did it wouldn't stop. Her screams, the blood, h-her leg. The image plastered in his mind. It terrified him. He hoped Connie was okay, he was so sorry he doubted his mother made these mistakes. And if she did, she didn't make as many as he did.

He slightly whimpered as he made his first cut on his leg. The pain brought his mind away from his thoughts. Although for a short period. It was all his fault. He made the second cut on his leg, it wasn't deep at all, they never were. They were the equivalent of a major paper cut.

Though it was nothing compared to what she went through, he couldn't even imagine what she went through. Images of flashed through his mind once again, leading him to cut again. The feeling of the blade breaking through his skin, the pain was the only way he could stop think about everything.

Steven looked over to Connie, the sun's glow made her look very peaceful. She was in a coma; she was lying on the couch below. 'She looks like she's sleeping... but she not, Connie's in a coma, and you put her there.' He thought. As he took the blade and made one last cut. He liked the pain. Steven deserved it, at least in his mind.

'I KNOW,' He yelled at his own mind, then he heard the door slowly open. He looked over and saw Pearl. She had a worried look on her face, instinctively he pulled his blanket over his legs. The last thing he wanted was for them to see what he was doing. Pearl tried to smile, but Steven knew it was fake. She tried so hard to cheer him up.

Too bad she wasted her time and breath on him; that made him feel even worse. Steven thought he was being selfish.

"Steven we're worried about you," Pearl said as she walked up the stairs and sat next to him on the bed. She sighed before continuing, "You're not holding up to good are you?"

He didn't reply, she already knew the answer. So Steven felt no need to answer. They didn't want Steven to go through this alone. Their effort was being wasted in his mind. Why wouldn't they let him deal with this his own way? It was working, wasn't it? His method was just fine.

"She wouldn't even BE here if it wasn't for me," she angrily said as he slipped the razor into his front pocket. Pearl looked at him with her concerned face, making him feel guilty. If he could feel more guilty that he already did.

"Beating yourself up hurts all of us Steven, we hate seeing you so upset," Pearl replied as she glanced at Connie. She then looked back to him trying to find words. The uncomfortable silence lasted a few seconds, before she started again, "This isn't going to end happily for anyone if you keep at this. Steven, it wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was!" Steven yelled at Pearl, making her sigh in defeat. She got and walked down to the kitchen. She opened the fridge pulling out various ingredients. She then pulled out some pans.

"I'm going to make some food; you're going to eat some whether you like it or not."

Steven pulled his pant legs down, then got out of his bed sluggishly. He slowly walked down the stairs and was halfway to the counter, when his razor fell out of his pocket. The quiet clink as it hit the floor might have been the equivalent of a nuke going off. His heart rate skyrocket when Pearl realised what fell.

When Pearl looked down to see what fell, she saw a razor with blood still on the sharp end. She froze like a deer in headlights. She slowly looked up to Steven, to

see the panic in his eyes. Her heart felt like it was ripped apart, "Don't tell me you..."

Steven's mind was racing he needed to get out of there as fast as possible. He just needs them to stop worrying about him. Steven can handle Steven. He looked over to the warp pad before Pearl could realise what he was doing he grabbed the razor and sprinted to the warp pad. Steven warped only God knows where.

Pearl was so shocked that when Garnet and Amethyst walked in she couldn't even speak. She was even shaking a little. Though were dashing in and out of her mind. She couldn't keep track of them all.

"Pearl?" Garnet said looking and the look on her face, it was a mixture of shock, horror, and concern. This made Garnet's worry increase, she hated being left in the dark, "What happened?"

As Pearl tried to formulate word as she pointed at the warp pad. Garnet and Amethyst looked at each other, confused and worried looks on their faces. Once she got a hold of herself Pearl started to cry out, " Why did he have to, to, to, He, he's... Garnet, he's cutting himself..."

"Please tell me he didn't, " Garnet sighed as looked at pearl practically pleading for, her to say no. She saw this in the future but doubted this was the path they would take.

She hoped that this was all some sick joke, but she knew the truth. Garnet knew what had happened. Internally Ruby and Sapphire were, struggling to stay together as Garnet, the panic event as she put her arm around herself just to keep them from separating.

"I can't believe he did that," Pearl said as she collapsed on the floor, she was have something akin to a panic attack. Garnet closed her eyes and attempted to use her future vision. Sadly she was just too panicked to get any results.

"Steman..." Was all Amethyst could say, she knew he was upset but this? She never thought he would do this. She was the most shocked out of all of them, she remembered when Pearl, did the same thing. She needed to find him now. "I'm gonna go look for him. Any ideas Garnet?"

"I can't concentrate, we'll have to go without future vision," Garnet looked at the gems then the warp pad. She took a deep breath they needed a plan, "Amethyst and me will go look for Steven. Pearl you will stay here, in case Steven comes back. If anyone finds Steven they will come back here, and wait for the other."

"Sounds good," Amethyst said as she looked at the panicked Pearl, she was silently


	2. Chapter 2

(Gets a little descriptive, of injuries in this chapter. So yeah you have been warned! If you chose not to read the graphic part I will summarize at the end.)

Steven warped to the Strawberry Battlefield. In hopes that this is the last place they would look, and that was why he warped here. He hastly hopped up the floating islands, once he reached the highest one, he sat down in the center. He looked in his now bloodied hand, realizing he was holding the razor in a death grip. The blood dripped down his arm and landed on his leg, with a sickening splat. He then thought of what he did to Connie.

It was just a regular day, Steven and Connie were having a sleepover. They played a few games, and talked about a book they read. They were having tons of fun. That changed when a homeworld ship carrying Lapis, Peridot, and Jasper, arrived on the beach wiping out all the Crystal Gems, including Connie.

Lucky Steven escaped, freeing the rest of the Gems and Connie. After Garnet trew Jasper into the ship's power source, the ship was going for a crash landing, and there was no way to stop it.

"Steven!" Garnet yelled, as she ran in the control room with Connie, "Use your bubble!"

Steven put all of his focus into creating the bubble, but before he could create it, the ship entered the atmosphere, causing a shock wave. It shook the ship violently beneath them making parts of the ceiling fall, down.

Connie's shrill scream pierced through the air, but the adrenaline rushing through Steven's veins stopped it from going any further than his ear.

A large piece of the ceiling began to fall but just in time his bubble formed fitting all the gems and Connie inside. A explosion came from deep within the ship, sending out clouds of flames towards them. But luckily it didn't penetrate the bubble.

The ship fell completely apart after that, leaving the bubble full of people to gravity's mercy. The ball came hurtling towards the earth, and record speeds. To all in the Steven's bubble the world flashed by in a blur before the landed on the ground, heavily. Nearly popping the bubble. Only thing keeping the bubble going was Steven's sheer will.

After realizing they were safe, Steven dismissed the bubble. The cloud of smoke and ash prevented anyone from seeing, but as soon as it dissipated, everyone relaxed. Steven stared at the wreckage until Amythest's cry broke the sound of flames.

"Oh, SHIT!"

"Amethyst! What?" Pearl said frantically as everyone turned to see what Amethyst yelled about. Steven's gaze fell on the limp figure that was Connie. There was massive amounts of blood spreading thought the sand, it's crimson liquids, staining it, as it slowly creeps toward the gems.

His gaze immediately fell on the right leg. There was a chuck of flesh oozing the liquid, as it was torn from the bone. Steven could even make out, the creamy white bone, before it too was blood stained. It reminded him a a grape being ripped in two with only the skin keeping it together.

He then looked at her lower left leg, it was torn from the body. Only the skin and a tendon keeping it intact. There was also scratches the when all the way from her stomach to her knee. A piece of metal, lay beside her covered in blood, Letting them all know what fell on her.

"It's going to be okay right? Right Steven!" Pearl said with panic as she tried to mask her worry, concern, and terror, though she was too panicked to even manage that, "You have healing tears right?!"

Steven hastily licked his hand and placed in on the wound, some blood from the sand came sliding backwards, into the wound. Defying gravity, once some of the blood was back in the flesh it started to come back to the bone, soon the skin came together seamlessly. Then it went to her scratches they to came together. Connie now just looked like she was sleeping.

Steven remembered every detail. He could probably draw a picture if he needed to. Not that he actually wanted to. After he was done remembering what happened he wiped is blood dripping hand of on his shirt along with the coated razor. He pulled his pant leg up and began.

He cut under his previous cuts and a lot deeper than before, cut after cut, he finally reached his shin. Steven didn't stop there he cut up his entire shine, before he moved to his other leg. Repeating the process. Only having to wipe the razor of a couple of times after it got too bloody and slippery.

His legs were covered in blood, there had to be at least one hundred cutts on his right left leg alone. But he didn't notice. He needed to forget about what he did to Connie. He needed to forget it. Sadly the cuts didn't stop the memory. So he continuously made cuts, hopping that it would stop. But it wasn't.

All he knew was the he deserved the pain. He deserved every last cut and then some. For what he did to Connie. For how he killed his mother to be in this world. For not being like Rose for the gems. In fact he was probably doing them a favor, Steven thought. He then moved to his wrists. He cut deep enough to reach the veins, after cutting several times on his left arm, he moved to his right one. The cutts becoming more sloppy as he got lighted headed. Soon after he was light headed the flashbacks of Connie's body stopped.

Of in the distance he heard the sound of a warp. He couldn't really process the noise, Steven then heard some screaming. His vision blurred, blurred to the point of only seeing the splashes of colors. There was a slight ring in his ears, before he stopped hearing them. They came closer as looked at him, the gems rushed over, to the bloodied Steven. He was confused as he saw the rush of colors come at him, almost afraid. That was the last thing he saw before he blacked out.

Why he did this he didn't know.

(Tells you what happened to Connie and Steven cuts himself into passing out.)


	3. Chapter 3

The boy tried opening his eyes but it was all too blurry to see. The world around him was a blotch of color. He closed his eyes and felt water the cold water embrace him once more. The water rushed past his face, he was completely submerged.

Suddenly the ringing stopped and Steven could hear once more. He hear the muffled cries from above the surface. Then he heard the rush of water as he was torn out of the liquid. He was fully awake now.

Steven rolled over on his side before attempting to get up. But he felt hands force him down. He wiped the water from his eye so he could see. The world was still a blur. He was confused the last thing he remembered was warping to the Strawberry Battlefield.

He was confused and had every right to be. He rubbed his eyes to clear up his vision. He opened and saw Garnet Amethyst and Pearl crowded over him. He began in a shaking tone "Where am I?"

"You're at your mother's healing fountain," Garnet replied she was frowning. He knew that he was cutting, but then blackness. He didn't mean to almost kill himself he was angry and that was his outlet.

Steven then looked over the faces of his caretakers, Pearl's face looked like she'd watched rose die a million times over. Amethyst looked as if she seen a ghost. Last but not least Garnet looked as if she was angry and worried at the same time.

"I'm sorry..." Steven mumbled in a barely audible whisper. He looked over to the gems, and the must not have heard him. It didn't matter. The biggest question in his mind was why did they save him. He made mistake after mistake, and almost killed Connie. He also killed his mother to be in this world. Steven had nothing to lose he was going to just ask them. He began in a normal voice, devoid of emotion, "Why did you save me?"

They looks on the gem's faces told him that they were appalled and shock at what he said. He tried to get up again but Garnet held him down yet again, and then started her reply "Steven why do you think we saved you?"

"I..." Steven fumbled for words, he knew they wanted his mother more than him, so why save him? If he died Rose would be back. "I-"

"Steven, we love you," Garnet said, as she smiled and rubbed his head. "Let's go home, we'll talk about this later. You deserve a good night's rest.

The gems walked over to the warp pad holding Steven as if he was a baby. They soon warped to the temple where the laid him in his bed. Amethyst sat up there with him to make sure he didn't do anything, while Garnet a Pearl made him dinner.

"So, why did you so it?" Amethyst asked casually as if she was talking about the weather. She then sat next to the bed looking at him.

Steven really didn't want to reply, he just sat there ignoring her. He really just needed the razor and everything would be fine. Wait, what was he saying? He nearly killed himself the last time he cut! He looked panicked, making Amethyst worry.

"You know dude pearl did a similar thing once. You were about one at the time," Amethyst said looking at the ceiling. She remember it as if it was yesterday. Pearl hurt herself pretty bad. Amethyst then looked back at Steven, "I don't blame her or you, actually. You both thought it was all your faults."

"I don't see pearl doing what I did, just leave it to me to screw everything up," He stated remorsefully as he closed his eyes. Imagining Pearl cutting herself.

"Dude, don't talk like that, what happened to our little Cinnamon roll named Steven?"Amethyst joke as he looked at the boy, he blankly stared at the ceiling. "It really wasn't your fault. You know that right?"

"I don't see how it couldn't be my fault. If I summoned my bubble a few seconds faster," Steven said but lost heart towards the end of his sentence, he didn't want to continue, the it was his fault and that's all he needed to know. If only he could cut to send the mental torment away. He just needed her to know how sorry he was that this happened, "I'm sorry Connie."

"Steven it was all of us we all could have done a better. Garnet could not have thrown Jasper into the generator, Pearl could have started better. We all had things we could do better," Amethyst reasoned, but in might as well have fallen on deaf ears.

"She wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me!" Steven yelled, a lot louder than he meant warranting the attention of all the gems. Steven was seething now. He was just mad at everything. He wanted a place just to be alone where no one would bother him.

Suddenly the door to his room opened and got up and jumped down to the coach, sprinting towards the door. He was almost to the warp pad when he felt Garnet's hands grab him around the waist lifting him up, so his feet couldn't touch the ground. She was already disappointed in Steven to say the least now she was angry.

"Steven, I know you feel like we wouldn't understand, and you don't want to be around us but we're only trying to help!" Garnet said in an almost yelling voice. She wishes she could help the boy but with her future vision, she knew she'd only make it worse.

Steven felt awful, that was sort of an understatement. He felt like his heart was ripped out. They were just trying to help him, and he was being a dick about it. He stopped squirming in Garnets hand's he was sorry. He didn't mean to make everything awful he just... he just did. Why couldn't he be more like his mom?

He soon felt tears streak his cheeks, and land on the floor. Garnet then took him to the couch and sat him down inviting the others to sit too. He just cried. At this rate the house would be flooded. The only thing on his mind was, "I'm sorry," he just kept repeating that phrase like a broken record.

He felt broken too.


	4. Chapter 4

After about an hour of crying Steven finally stopped. He just felt empty. He knew it was all his fault but just stopped feeling the pain. The gems looked at him with worry evident in their eyes. He just sat there on the couch, with a blank look in his eyes.

Garnet finally spoke up, "Steven we're here for you, you can talk to us," she attempted in vain. Steven just wouldn't share how he felt. He knew they'd end up blaming themselves for his current state of mind. And that made him a little angry.

"I'm sorry guys I really didn't for all this to happen. What would Connie think of me now?" Steven lightly laughed. He really just wanted to put this skeleton in the closet and have everyone just forget about it. But, that was the easy route.

"She would be worried," Garnet stated with absolute certainty. She then crossed her arms before continuing, "She would want to help, you like we do."

"Why don't understand that I don't need or want help!" Steven snapped at Garnet, in turn, she just adjusted her shades, with a sigh. Everyone else was just a little shocked, at the young boy's actions. He never acted like this.

"If you didn't need help you wouldn't have cut yourself, and we definitely wouldn't be here!" Garnet started, she was really starting to feel helpless and her voice slightly showed it, but Steven really didn't care. "Just let us help you!"

"I don't need your help!" She Steven yelled, angrily. He then stood up and crossed his arms, ready to snap back at any of Garnet's words. Or any other crystal gem for that matter.

"Steven," Garnet said calmly trying to make him stop, but he wouldn't listen. He was angry he was tired of feeling so useless, and they weren't helping. He could do this on his own. Steven really didn't want to be angry. It just happened he wanted to take out his feeling on someone else other than himself for once.

"What?" He snapped back, glaring at her, she about to get angry. She was just frustrated with the situation. For once see didn't know what to do. Then Steven started to act like this? What even caused this! She had no clue. "Whatever you're going to say isn't going to change my mind."

"Steven why won't you let us help you!?" Garnet said, he voice cracking at the end. Soon after some tears came down from her shades. She was angry but felt hopeless. She didn't even bother whipping the tears away. After noticing how much his actions hurt Garnet, he was just ashamed.

'There you go again, hurting other people just because you, existed. This wouldn't have happened with your mother!' Steven thought to himself realising he should apologise he opened his mouth, but just couldn't get any words out.

He really wished he could cut right now. They probably already took away all the sharp objects from him. Or anything he could use to hurt himself. Why did they save him he was nothing but a danger, he was just so useless!

Steven finally found his words, and said in a remorseful voice, "I don't think you can," he truly thought this, he wanted help he really did.

Steven was starting to tear up now. He didn't mean to hurt Garnet he just wanted them to leave him alone so he couldn't hurt them. But in trying to do that, he just hurt them anyway. "Steven please just tell us what wrong," Pearl cried, she was obviously upset. She couldn't help! She promised Rose she would give her life for him if needed.

"I'm sorry I really don't want to cause you guys problems," Steven said looking at the dishevelled mess called the Crystal Gems. He sighed, "You should have just let me die."

This shocked all the gems. "Why in the hell would we do that?!" This time Amethyst yelled, she just wanted her happy go lucky kid named Steven. Not this sad sack one. "Steven we love you and want to help you!"

Steven was silent, the words 'we love you' felt like a dagger to his heart. He felt like awful. Why did he hurt everyone? It wasn't his fault, it just happened... He tried so hard. Maybe it was him trying, that caused this. Should he tell them? He should, and he will tell them right now.

"Do you really want to hear it all?" Steven said, quietly. He then saw Garnet nod, signalling him to continue. "These feeling have been going on for a while now," he sighed remembering how he felt that they wanted his mother instead of him.

"I always thought you wanted my mom instead of me..." He cried, this statement, cause all the gems to feel awful so they were the cause of all this. "I always get everyone hurt! It's always my fault, I thought you would be better off without me!"

"Steven why would you think that?" Amethyst said she didn't know this was the root of all the sadness. "Sure we miss you mother, but you were the best gift she gave us!"

"Why would you want me I'm so useless!" Steven yelled causing the room to fall into a deathly silence. Fresh tears streamed down the boy's face. 'Is this how we made him feel?' Garnet thought, she was struggling to stay together. She never felt so awful before.

"Steven..." Garnet finally said, she couldn't find words! "Steven you are anything but useless," Sapphire's voice came out, "We love you!" Cried Ruby, Pearl and Amethyst were a little surprised too, Garnet rarely lost her seamless fusion.

"I really sorry I don't like causing you problems, I mean well... My mom never made mistakes like these," He sighed, was a little relieved, though. The gem's word made him feel a little better.

"Your mother made plenty of mistakes Steven, it's all part of growing up, become more mature," Pearl said as she put her hand on his shoulder. She then continued, " We all make mistakes we're not perfect. Now that we've gone through this mistake we never have to do it again."

"Yeah, Steven! So quit being such a sad sack!" Amethyst said trying to cheer him up, by sweeping the problem under the rug. It worked, because he gave her a faint smile, "Now I bet you're hungry!"

"I'll go make lunch," Pearl said, smiling, as she tried to fix her hair, as it was a horrible mess. She got up and rummaged through the fridge.

"Steven, remember we love you, even though it may not feel like it sometimes... We love you," Garnet said, " now I have something I need to do."

She got up and went through the beach door. She was going to tell Mrs MaheSwaran what happened and talk to Greg. It was going to a long do for the fusion. She knew the problem was swept under the rug, but would soon come back. She could see it in the future.

( I think this is the last chapter so yeah... There's probably going to be an another book but yeah. )


End file.
